Destiny vs Fate

They call it the Book of Life, written by the hands of Fate. And that is supposed to be our destiny.

It’s ironical how these two terms are defined in the dictionary and how they are entwined. I remember looking up ‘destiny’ once, when I was in 5^th grade. The dictionary called it fate. When I looked up ‘fate’ it said destiny. Here’s how I look at the two.

Destiny

Two weeks ago, I sat the first round, a written test, for the recruitment process of Bosch. I was not prepared and wrote it only because I was eligible to appear for the test. When my name wasn’t on the list of the candidates selected for the second round I was least bothered because I had contracted laryngitis and had better things to worry about. Besides, my take was that all those who sat the test, which I actually found quite simple, were the best minds of my batch from Bangalore. A week later, a Wednesday, I remember clearly, I received a call from the HR people of Bosch. I had an interview. A technical interview scheduled for the next day. I was shocked. Out of the blue, and in my sleep, literally because I had been asleep when I got the call, I had been jolted into a sort of dream-ish reality and I didn’t believe it. Franticly I rushed to get the required documents printed and photocopied and attended the technical interview on Thursday morning. I was grilled for an hour by two interviewers who played the ‘good cop – bad cop’ routine. This with my inability to speak two sentences without breaking into a fit of cough because I still hadn’t fully recovered from my laryngitis though I had regained control of my voice. I left with very little hope that I would be called back for the HR interview. That evening I got a call again. For the HR interview.

Friday afternoon, after completing an ‘improvement test’ – in which I was bound to flunk – I drove to the Bosch offices, neatly dressed in a suit. There were four of us who had been called back. Just four from the previous day when there had been twenty five of us. Yeah, I freaked. The interview wasn’t much to my liking because it was very very ‘make believe’ all sorts of hypothetical situation thrown at me and for every justification I gave there would be a rebuttal and I had to argue my way out of it. I did that well but the situations were plain. I was so sure that I wouldn’t get called back because I’d seen my grades and they ranged from A – C on a scale of A – E, A being the highest, and was convinced that I’d been the worst of the lot. I GOT CALLED BACK.

My 2^nd HR interview on Saturday morning was marvelous. I loved it because I was talking of the things I liked to talk about. My inspiration, for example, my favorite books, my writings, my view of the world in general. I even spoke of the American elections !! The HR was impressed, I could make that out, but there again lay the doubt that I might not be good enough.

I let it pass. For a week, almost I didn’t care as I was more concerned about getting my project report completed and preparing for the visit of my godmother (my aunt, cousins and uncle). She arrived on Thursday night and all was fun. Friday, exactly one week after my second HR interview, I decided to check my mailbox and there was a mail with the subject ‘Congratulations!’ Phone calls were made, hugs and kisses given and taken, the jumping for joy happened and I began crazily SMSing all my friends without caring that I get charged exorbitantly for messages. But it didn’t sink in. I WAS INTO BOSCH !!!!! Officially, now I’m a Boschian !! Atleast I’ve a job offer though I haven’t been formally inducted into Bosch, but I’m in !!

This, ladies and gentlemen…the unexpected happiness that just hits you, and everyone around you goes ‘We knew it would happen’, the pride in my father’s voice when I told him, the look of respect from my siblings…yeah…that’s a part of destiny.

Fate

Before I even knew that I had got into Bosch, before I had even sat in front of the computer, we received a call that my Uncle’s brother-in-law (and cousin actually), had suffered a mild heart attack and was in the I.C.U. in Chennai, that’s about 500 kms from here. So at the moment of my happiness my uncle, aunt (my Athai, to make the nomenclature easier and differentiable, being the said person’s sister) and cousin, were getting ready to pay him a visit. This was yesterday afternoon…precisely around 4:30 pm. They returned today at almost the same time. We were all having fun, and I after an hour’s worth of discussion with my Mum about how I need to stop ‘getting to know my laptop’ and begin the studying process (my exams are barely two weeks away), sat down for dinner. I was quite in a jolly mood because I’d just completed my farewell speech when the call came.

I was in a different room but could hear everything going on in the living room where the others were gathered. I heard my uncle on the phone. The word ’serious’ and ‘I.C.U.’ were repeated with long pauses. I saw Athai run out of the living room and to the first floor to her room. Then came my uncle’s voice. “He’s passed“.

There was silence. An awfully loud silence that resounded all over. My brother, who’d been laughing seconds ago, was quite. The one sister of mine, whom I could see from the room, perched on the armchair stared at a spot somewhere on the wall. Then my aunt (the one visiting from US of A) came into view, her eyes streaming with tears. I ran out realizing what had happened. My cousin, that’s my Athai’s daughter, was standing rooted to the floor. I saw the turmoil in her eyes as her mind tried to accept the news. My first instinct was to hug her, pull her out of the reverie. My uncle was back on the phone trying to catch hold of relatives…for a proper version of the happenings. Thus it fell upon me to wake up my grandparents.I shook awake Grandpa, he looked up at me sleepily and the words tumbled out in a hurry but I was sure he understood them because he sat up with such a jolt, eyes wide open in absolutely terrifying disbelief. My Grandmum’s reaction was the same.

The person is my Perrippa (translated directly to English it would mean ‘Big Father’) so I do know him very well. He isn’t my immediate family per say but the relation is very close. Now, I’m not sure if it was the recollection that I had lost another Perrippa (paternal) that I was unable to react to this or because it was the sight of my cousin…the one whom I’ve grown to love as my own sister…sobbing her heart out and there was no one to comfort her. She did the packing. She made the arrangements for herself and her work and not her mother. She was strong. So strong that I admire how well she was able to handle the situation. Her mother was in tears but she was strong for them both. The entire house was in a bit of a large shake up because everyone had to leave immediately before the last rites could be performed. Arrangements and instructions made in a hurry, my brother, grandma, aunts everyone bursting into tears… Gosh!!

Now it’s calm. Some people of my family will be leaving tomorrow morning and five out of the six of us kids are to stay at home under the supervision of…well, ourselves. We’re ok. This just called to mind something that one of my friends had said ‘death seems horrifying, not to the dead , but to those whom they leave behind’. I realize the real full truth of it now. See, I’ve lost three of my very close relatives, but it was during a time when I couldn’t comprehend the finality of death or come to terms with loss. But having to deal with it…it’s part of life, yes, but it sucks. Big time.

This, ladies and gentlemen, I call fate.

In my head, this is how I explain it – if something is right, going my way and I l enjoy it then it’s destiny (or at least a part of it), and if things are horribly wrong then it’s fate. There is a way to demarcate the two terms and for me this works, pretty much the same difference between the optimist and the pessimist.

Anyway, since most of my family is away and the aunt who’s around is still reeling in the shock of events, it’s fallen upon me to kind of look after the house. Not the household work, mind you, but just the general functioning of the house. That means, ordering take out, not caring about the laundry and ACTUALLY START STUDYING cause there’s already too much time lost and I’M FREAKING OUT A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE EXAMS.